Waiting tables was one of the best jobs I’ve had. Here’s how a caring employer made a difference.

Author: Barbara Saunders, Empower Work Staff

May is Mental Health Awareness Month every year. This May, 2022, the U.S. hit a tragic milestone—1,000,000 deaths from COVID. Grief is all around us and in the collective psyche. And grief triggers reflection: What are my values? How should we treat one another?

A sad workplace event from early in my career taught me an important lesson: We all deserve to work in a place where we feel supported even in very difficult times. Our mental health depends on it.

I walked through the front door of the restaurant where I’d worked for just a few months. One of the managers, “Eloise,” stood by the hostess stand. She wasn’t smiling. That was unusual for the consistently cheerful Eloise, but I didn’t think much of it until she spoke.

“Come with me to the office,” she said and awkwardly blocked my path to the time clock with her body. I assumed I was going to be fired, though I had no idea why that would be happening.

When we got to the office, she closed the door, invited me to sit. She pulled her chair out from behind the desk and sat close.

“I’m sorry to tell you this. ‘Jan’ passed away.”

I was shocked. Jan was only 40, a recently divorced single mother. The first image that came to my mind was of the 5-year-old daughter Jan sometimes brought in for lunch.

Jan was the senior manager in the restaurant, one of three San Francisco franchise locations of a national chain. The staff loved her because she expressed her authentic self so generously.

She spoke fluent Spanish and spent time every day with the cooks, busboys, and dishwashers, all immigrants from Central America, about their families and personal goals beyond the restaurant.

She discreetly referred workers to therapists and other support systems when they confided their troubles in her.

Jan also hired a number of recent college graduates whose job hunts were derailed by the stock market. She supported them, offering a sympathetic ear to the frustrations of delays in launching their careers.

Jan made work inclusive and fun.

After breaking the news, Eloise offered to let me go home to process the shock. I opted to work my shift, in part because when I went home, I was going to have to break the sad news to my roommates, who also worked at the restaurant.

I learned later that the franchise owner and the two other store managers had carefully collaborated on how to handle this situation.

They paid extra staff for every shift that week, so they could deliver the news one-on-one to every employee and give people whatever time they needed to process their feelings. They arranged rides to the funeral service for those who wanted to attend. They encouraged coworkers to speak openly about their emotions and share their stories about Jan, and shared what they could about how Jan’s daughter was doing.

I left the job shortly after that, but some of my friends stayed much longer. Over the next few years, the owner battled cancer and another manager sickened and died from AIDS. From what I heard, the company handled those episodes, too, with mindful compassion.

Entertaining this memory always brings tears. And that job changed my expectations about what I—and all people—deserve in our workplaces. We are all human beings first, no matter what our level in a company or organization.

Even in small businesses where money and other resources are in short supply, employers can prioritize treating employees with respect and decency. What I remember most about this job isn’t the wages (which were low) or the perks (half-price meals on shift).

These simple, free practices made this job one of the best I’ve ever had:

Fostering a sense of equality and camaraderie between employees, no matter their background or role
Demonstrating acceptance and appreciation for workers who spoke a native language other than English in the workplace
Celebrating people’s lives outside of work, including career aspirations beyond the job
Making careful choices about how to have difficult conversations

Employers don’t need a lot of money or special expertise to show workers they care. Healthy corporate culture isn’t about fancy perks or creating a “tribe” in the workplace. It’s about recognizing that fundamental dignity isn’t something a person earns. Every employee has it when they walk in the door, and every employer can show they believe that.

The idea that every worker deserves that their dignity be seen underpins what we do at Empower Work.

At Empower Work, vulnerable workers can reach out for help, even if their employer doesn’t have an HR representative, or the employee doesn’t have time and money to get therapy or career coaching. And our trained volunteers carry their peer counseling skills back to their own workplaces and personal relationships.

You don’t have to have a toxic workplace or bad boss to call Empower Work. Our peer counselors can help with any situation that affects you in the workplace, or any workplace issue that affects your overall mental health or well-being. Text 510-674-1414 to chat with a peer counselor. It’s free and confidential.

*Note: All names used in this piece are pseudonyms in order to respect the privacy of those mentioned.

*Note: Empower Work provides non-legal support for workplace challenges. This information, while authoritative, is not legal advice or guaranteed for legality. Employment laws and regulations vary by state. We recommend consulting with state resources for specific interpretation and decisions. If you believe you were discriminated against in violation of the law, we recommend you seek legal advice.