Should I quit my job or try to make it work?

Thinking about leaving your job? You’re not alone. The median tenure on a job is 4-5 years, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. Many jobs or industries change more frequently.

You may want to leave for happy reasons, like a move to a new home or an addition to your family that changes your lifestyle. Perhaps you’re considering a change because work isn’t working. If you feel undervalued, disrespected, or marginalized at work, it’s natural to start weighing your options.

Whether you’re having trouble communicating with your boss, conflict with coworkers, or concerns about the company’s culture, feeling like you want to leave your job can be stressful and confusing.

These steps can help you make the decision on whether to leave your job.

1. Get clear on why you want to quit your job.

People who contact Empower Work often wonder, “Is it me or them?” They aren’t sure whether what’s happening on the job is to be expected and whether the challenges can be fixed. Changing jobs can cost time, energy, and money. But staying can be costly too. To make sure your move takes you to a better situation, here are some considerations acknowledging that you are an expert in you!

Ask yourself these questions:

What do I enjoy about my work? Are there parts of your job that are rewarding to you?
What don’t I like about the job? Maybe there’s something about the job you fundamentally dislike. You may have taken a job and realized it’s just not for you. Sometimes “other duties as assigned” are duties you would never have signed up for.
When did I start to feel this? Has something changed? Or has it always felt this way?
Who do I feel connected to at work? Employees who have a best friend at work are happier and more engaged. Feeling isolated at work, or that you don’t fit in, can make it hard to get through the day.
How is my relationship with my direct supervisor? Problems with bosses can range from personality conflicts and clashes in work style to bullying, microaggressions, or legal harassment.
Did a specific event trigger my desire to leave? Perhaps you had a bad performance review, an uncomfortable conversation with a superior, or witnessed behavior that violates your sense of right and wrong.
Am I afraid of being fired or laid off? Take stock of the reasons you’re afraid. A manager who recommends coaching might be trying to keep you on, or they might be trying to push you out. A new owner with lots of ideas could be planning to fire workers, but not necessarily.
Could this problem get better on its own? We all have rough times at work. Sometimes those problems are temporary.
Is this a good time to quit? Personal finances, life needs, how you might share (or not) the departure story with another employer, can all be factors in timing.

These can help assess whether quitting your job is a long-term goal or a crisis that calls for immediate action.

In the event of unlawful or unsafe work environments, different actions may be needed.

Here are some examples:

Unsafe: You’re being asked to work so much that you’re falling asleep on the job. Or you are working without essential safety equipment. You feel unsafe going into work.
Unlawful: Your boss is telling you to make false statements. People are falsifying reports you are charged with approving. You are not being paid for work done, or wages are being taken without your agreement.

If you feel like what you’re experiencing is in either of those categories, Workplace Fairness has information on your rights and possible actions.

2. Think through options in your control.

You may not have to leave your job to make things better, at least not immediately.

What’s the chance I can alter my job? Look for opportunities for job crafting, changing parts of your work to make it more satisfying. Find ways to spend more time on tasks you enjoy, build new relationships within your company, or simply reframe your responsibilities to discover how your work aligns with personal goals. If you need more money, you may be able to negotiate a raise with or without a promotion.
Are there steps I can take to feel more connected? Loneliness and isolation at work are increasing. You’re not alone. Sometimes there are creative ways to build interactions more deeply with coworkers, regular customers, neighbors, or even people you see on your commute.
What path could I take to improve my relationship with my boss? In some cases, an honest conversation with your supervisor can set things back on the right track. If your relationship with your boss is good, how might you ask for support with other issues that are bothering you?
If I want to leave in response to a specific incident, have I processed what happened? For example, if you got bad feedback from your boss, give it some thought: Was the feedback unfair or is there something in your performance you want to address? If you observed something that makes you uncomfortable or violates your ethics, is the best course speaking up, reporting within the company, notifying the authorities, or contacting a lawyer? A little distance can help you gain perspective.
Could fear be driving me to rush to action? If you believe your job is on the line, you might feel urgency to jump ship before you are fired or things get worse. Fear is a powerful emotion. Preparing for leaving may help, but making a decision in fear may not land you in the best path, for instance, losing a severance agreement or opportunity to file unemployment.

These thought experiments can inform your decision whether to quit your job or stick it out.

3. Review your financial resources.

More than 80 percent of people who reach out to Empower Work tell us that finances are a major factor in their decision to quit a job and the timetable for doing so. If that’s you, here are some important questions to consider:

How long have my past job searches taken on average?
What job leads do I currently have?
How will I manage my living expenses in the meantime?
How much savings do I have?
Will I get a vacation or sick payout?
Should I keep my group health plan under COBRA, join a partner’s plan, or buy insurance through the federal healthcare exchange or through my state exchange? How much will that cost?
Will I be able to collect unemployment insurance?
Could I pick up flexible work somewhere, or could another family member get extra hours to help make ends meet?

“Our jobs play a big part in our sense of security and well being. When work’s not working, it’s normal to feel trapped. You can find the path forward, whether you quit your job or stay and make positive changes.”

4. Get support.

Whatever your reason for considering whether to stay or go in your job, you don’t need to handle this alone. Supportive people and communities in your life can help you sort through your values, get perspective on your situation, and evaluate options.

However, it’s important to know what kind of help to seek and the pros and cons of tapping each kind of support.

Support from personal or professional connections

You might first consider turning to your personal and professional support networks, the people you have relationships with.

Coworker
- Pros: Peers understand the culture of your employer and often the context of your issue.
- Cons: There’s a risk of setting off “emotional bumper cars”: Your coworker may have little power to help, and may absorb your own anxieties.
Boss, Supervisor, or Manager
- Pros: Your direct supervisor may be able to address whatever is troubling you.
- Cons: If the problem is with your boss, you may not be able to settle it without outside support. The problem could be beyond their power to influence. Or you might worry that opening up the discussion could damage the relationship.
Friends and family
- Pros: They know you, care about you, and can be great cheerleaders and sounding boards. They might even be able to help you get a new job.
- Cons: If your friends and family don’t work in your industry or occupation, they may have limited practical knowledge about what you should do. They may also be personally invested in your choices and decisions.
Community
- Pros: Your occupational network can help you put your work experience in context and point you to other professional opportunities. Social networks from your personal life, from your alumni association to your religious community, sometimes offer mentoring, introductions, and other resources.
- Cons: Sometimes it’s hard to get immediate help for your particular problem from communities. But cultivating a supportive community typically pays off over time, and in unpredictable ways.

Professional support and assistance

When you’re facing a work crisis, sometimes professional or highly trained resources can provide a different level of support than a personal network can provide.

Human resources: It’s their job to address personnel issues. They may be able to provide mediation, information, reporting, or other support. The human resources department exists to make sure the employer complies with the law and to help manage employee relations overall.
Emotional support: If your company offers an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) benefit, you can get free short-term counseling and referrals. Their help is confidential. They report statistics about employees who’ve used the service, but they won’t tell your employer that you, specifically, contacted them or share what you discussed. EAP programs tend to be more equipped to help with emotional counseling and personal problems, less with career or job decisions.
Legal information: Workplace Fairness provides information that can help you understand your legal rights and figure out whether you may want to report to a local agency or consult an attorney.
Union: If you belong to a union, read your membership information. They likely have a formal grievance process and representatives who can directly engage with your employer. Your union might also be a source of help in a job search.
Mental health care: Connecting with a mental health professional can have many benefits, and they might be able to lend support. Most mental health providers aren’t specifically trained to handle work-related issues.
Work coaching: Trained professional coaches exist for work challenges, job searches, and more. Empower Work offers free, immediate, and confidential counseling via text from volunteer coaches trained to support people around all kinds of work issues. Conversations explore what’s at stake, what you want to see happen, potential actions, and provide resources and referrals if needed. Text JOB to 510-674-1414.

5. If you choose to leave, cultivate optimism.

You have a lot of power to make the best of parting from your employer. And to walk into what’s next with confidence and optimism.

Your purpose goes beyond your job. Remember why you work -- to support your family, pay your bills, and make the most of your talents. You have every right to leave one employer for another that better suits your needs and goals.
While you were working at your job, you made valuable contributions to your customers, coworkers, and the company. Those contributions count! Be proud of them. Write them down, make a folder of feedback from coworkers or past performance feedback, or note them in other ways so you can cite them during future job searches. It’s also a great confidence booster!
There’s no reason to feel guilty about leaving your job. The work will go on. If you feel bad about leaving your work friends in the same bad conditions that make you want to leave, keep in mind that each of them needs to find their own way. If you want to, let them know you’re available to support them.
How you leave your job is important. Reflect on the impressions you want to leave when you give notice and in the exit interview. Do you want to spark changes in your workplace? Is your priority securing a good recommendation from your boss? Think about your coworkers as well: who do you want to keep in touch with, whether as a professional contact or a friend.

The path forward

Our jobs play a big part in our sense of security and well being. When work’s not working, it’s normal to feel trapped. You can find the path forward, whether you quit your job or stay and make positive changes.

Have you ever had to make a hard decision about whether to quit your job? How did you go about making the decision? What kind of support would have helped? Let us know.